Ariel Levy – The Rules Do Not Apply: A Memoir (Literature Review)

“Daring to think that the rules don’t apply is the mark of a visionary. It’s also a symptom of narcissism.” – Ariel Levy.

The Rules Do Not Apply is US journalist Ariel Levy’s second book, backing up from the success of her previous non-fiction offering, Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture.

Growing up, Ariel Levy didn’t enjoy the same things other girls her age did. Instead of playing house and dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding where she united with the prince of her dreams, she played explorer, hunting the tombs of Pharaohs and seeking adventures.

Her “other-ness” (for lack of a better term) continued into her mid to late 20s. While she, like many of her friends, had found someone to love, the idea of having a child with that special someone was foreign, scary even.

“‘To become a mother, I feared, was to relinquish your status as the protagonist of your own life. Your questions were answered, your freedom was gone … I found this unsettling … and yet, it still pulled at me,” Levy admits.

Members of her inner circle find Levy’s contentment with continuing to work as a staff writer for The New Yorker and embrace every opportunity that comes her way to be unnerving, much in the same way she views their willingness to trade in their own highflying careers for the opportunity to settle down and start a family. That is, of course, until she meets Lucy.

The pair start a life together. And eventually, Levy begins to feel that all too familiar pull towards motherhood and that, despite being in her mid-to-late thirties, she and Lucy need to have a child for them to be complete.

While this would be the perfect time to slow down and ease into preparations for family life, her desire for adventure and challenging the unknown is still just as strong.

So, when she is asked to travel to Mongolia for a story, Levy doesn’t hesitate. But just when life seems almost perfect, it all crumbles before her eyes as she miscarries in her hotel bathroom five months into her pregnancy.  “For ten minutes, I was someone’s mother,” she says.

The impact of her and Lucy’s loss is enough to destroy the couple’s relationship and The Rules Do Not Apply is the story of what led up to Levy’s life falling apart, and how she managed to pick up the pieces to begin again.

Levy’s story is a powerful one; it doesn’t take a genius to recognise that. With the skill of someone who makes a living out of recording the stories of others, Levy does not pull any punches in sharing even the most heart-wrenching of details that make up her own story.

Levy is very frank and open about her faults and the mistakes she made in the lead up to her own tragedy. And as she lingers on points of change and lessons she learnt along the way, there is a sense that this is one story that Levy wrote not just for her intended audience, but also as an important record of her own journey to self-discovery. That is, in my opinion, what makes this book like-able, despite the emotional toll it takes on the reader.

That said, however, I couldn’t help but get to the end of The Rules Do Not Apply and think that perhaps there was something missing. In this, Levy has left it open for discovery and the possibility of a sequel, which will no doubt be something many readers request in the near future.

The Rules Do Not Apply has been labelled as “a memoir of resilience”, and it’s hard to disagree with that. Whether you read it as such or simply as inspiration to push past your own challenges, Levy’s story is one that resonates.